Prayer, Praise, and Pain

You know, I really don’t like personal blogs. They can tend to be narcissistic which makes me uncomfortable. But at the risk of a little narcissism, I really need to share with you some lessons I am learning as a result of recent events. I apologize if this is a bit lengthy. First let me summarize these last few days:

· Thursday, 3/6/08 – Unexpectedly, I developed a rather severe “toothache”-like pain radiating down my left arm with tingling in the middle three fingers of my left hand. A previous MRI of the cervical spine revealed the likely cause to be arthritic changes at C 6-7 resulting in nerve impingement at that level. I started home cervical traction which only brought temporary relief. That night I experienced the worst and most sustained flare up of generalized throbbing pain throughout my spine, shoulders, pelvis and hips, which reached a crescendo with each heart beat, and was forced to take extra narcotic pain medication. Combined with the pleurisy-like pain on my right side, I told Linda the only thing I need to do to avoid pain is not move, stop breathing and/or stop my beating heart!

· Friday – As a result of the higher dose of narcotics, I was nauseated all day, could not eat or drink more than sips of fluids, and had extreme weakness and fatigue. The nagging left arm pain persisted until, after an earnest prayer, it suddenly and completely disappeared! That night saw a return of the fever, but not the severe skeletal pain.

· Saturday – I cautiously increased my oral intake, vomiting just once, stopped the strong narcotic pain medication and relied mainly on Tylenol and Darvocet. I enjoyed one of the most restful, pain-free nights in recent days and now have an improved appetite with renewed strength.

Through this entire ordeal, I have been struggling to learn what greater purpose(s) the Lord may have in mind. He then reminded me of a passage I recently taught in our adult Bible study class from John 5 when Jesus asks the paralytic at the pool of Bethesda: “Do you wish to get well?” At first glance it seems like an odd question, but implied in His question is the likelihood that the man had learned the benefits of the life of a victim, and feared the consequences to him personally should he be suddenly and miraculously restored. I began to recognize some subtle traits in my own thinking… to experience complete healing from this aggressive and advanced cancer would require an abandoned faith and utter surrender to whatever He had in store for me and my family thereafter. Am I really prepared for that?

Then I struggled with why He would allow the additional aggravation of the left arm pain, unrelated to the cancer, to flare up just now. So I prayed, this time with the kind of faith that says, “I know you are able to heal and that You desire what is best for me. I thank you for the pain but trust you now to stop the pain and remove it at its source. Praise you, Lord, for your lovingkindness.” After praying this prayer, I fell asleep and awoke from my nap with absolutely no pain in my arm! Nor has it returned.

So now He asks, “Why not trust Me in the same way for complete healing of your cancer? Is anything too difficult for Me?” My answer is “Lord, my faith is in You and in Your lovingkindness, almighty power, mercy and grace. While I am ready to go home, if that is Your desire, I am also ready to stay, prepared to live the rest of my days in complete and total surrender to whatever You have in store for me and my family. Lord I ask for complete healing from this cancer and praise you for whatever path you choose to accomplish Your will. Blessed be Your Name!” Do I wish to get well? "Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, yes, Lord!"

One further lesson learned in these last few days. During the height of the severe generalized bone pain, I learned the power of praise. There is a story in the Old Testament (2Chronicles 20) of king Jehoshaphat seeking God’s help when facing an enemy of overwhelming strength and numbers. God told him “The battle is not yours but God’s.” The battle was won that day as Jehoshaphat sent the choir out in front of the army singing: “Give thanks to the Lord, for His lovingkindness is everlasting!”

So while lying in bed in excruciating pain, I started singing: “I love you, Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship You. Oh my soul, rejoice. Take joy, my King, in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound, in Your ear.” At the sound of my crooning, my wife wisely offered to bring me the portable CD player with headphones :-) I spent the next hour worshipping Him to the sounds of Celtic Praise. The pain did not stop, but the associated muscle tension eased and I was at peace, knowing His palpable presence.

We now are preparing to return to Charlottesville for what we hope to be definitive treatment for the melanoma. My desire is that He will be glorified in what He is about to accomplish and that you too will know the power of prayer and praise to our loving God in the midst of your pain.

In His hands,
Dan