Whack-A-Mole Therapy

My recent experience with targeted radiation therapy for several symptomatic metastases scattered throughout my body reminds me of the popular (and personally frustrating) "Whac-A-Mole" game that I have played with my grandchildren at the pizza parlor or video arcade. The grandkids can usually beat grandpa at this game :-)

With the decision not to pursue additional forms of chemotherapy (each of which offers diminishing likelihood of remission of the cancer accompanied by increased likelihood of significant toxicity), we continued to pursue targeted radiation therapy for the more symptomatic lesions (outside the brain). I have had several of these (including lesions located over the left cheek bone, both arm pits, left medial thigh, and a more recent particularly troublesome one deep in the left pelvis). The left pelvic lesion caused rather severe episodes of pain, prompting ER visits to rule out diverticulitis or kidney stones. It ultimately showed up on a PET-CT as a growing lesion deep in the pelvic musculature.

Consultation with the radiation oncologist led to consideration of yet an additional targeted course of radiation therapy to the left pelvic region, but by the time the mapping imaging studies were completed, the pain had substantially subsided. I am grateful for the reprieve but fully understand that this or any of the other dozens of metastases could become more symptomatic at any time.

So I have decided it is time to stop trying to whack each mole as it sticks its ugly head out of yet another susceptible recess of my body. We are transitioning to hospice care with home health nurse visits to assist in pain management and other supportive services as needed.

In the midst of these circumstances I am reminded of a tender conversation between Jesus and Peter along the shores of Galilee shortly after His resurrection (John 21:1-19). Jesus prepares a grilled fish breakfast for His disciples and during an intimate conversation with Peter reveals something of his future: "Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go. Now this He said, signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, "Follow Me!"

We are not promised a future of our choosing, but urged to choose to follow the One who holds that future in His loving hands. Recognizing God's sovereignty in our lives and His active grace that has brought me through many more months of quality and enriching life experiences over the last two years while battling this devastating cancer, I am constantly seeking the best path to glorify Him. Resting in His faithfulness, I have abandoned the strategy of anxiously whacking each mole and look forward to the challenge and promise of what it means to simply follow Him each new day.

Thanks for your companionship on this journey,
Dr Dan

PS -- Linda has been a steadfast, encouraging, energetic and wise companion through these recent events. I could not be more grateful for the gift I have in her.