The Cost of Caring

We all know what it costs to truly care about someone. You who are parents have endured sleepless nights with a sick child or a teenager staying out late. You who are lovers have suffered distress when your loved one was out of touch, injured, or ill. You whose spouse is a public servant, corporate executive, minister, counselor, serviceman, performer, or [fill-in-the-blank] dedicated professional know the compromises that must be made to accommodate his/her career.

I don't know how many of you fully appreciate the price that must be paid by a physician's spouse who must share their loved one with an often-adoring and large patient population, many of whom have related the most intimate details of their lives (and bodies) with that one who promised fidelity to "you and you only". Now I know Linda is going to be a little embarrassed by this, but I cannot exaggerate my praise for this woman who has sacrificed so much for my career and personal fulfillment.

It would take reams to tell of the intimate times interrupted by a beeping pager, the postponed dinner dates, the seasons of virtual single-parenting, the nights she endured my emotional "left-overs" after a difficult day at the office, or the months of uncertainty caused by a malpractice claim of outrageous dimensions. Why would anyone choose such a life? Although I am not sure she (nor I) fully understood the sacrifices she would have to make on the day we shared our vows, I am so glad she did!

By the way, this past Monday, August 17, marked forty-one years since we shared those vows... and I became a very rich man :-)

As part of her anniversary gift, I offered her something I have never been able to give her before -- the gift of privacy. I offered to close out this very public venue in which we have shared our thoughts, triumphs and struggles in the face this life-threatening condition, and to spend this season (however long it may be) focused on one another, on family, and on our most intimate friends.

With words of encouragement, she turned me down, citing the potential benefit to those of you who share similar struggles and have yet to find answers in religion, philosophy, or contemplation alone. It is in that spirit, and in honor of the love of my life, by God's grace, as long as I am able, I commit to continue to share these thoughts.

Oh please don't think this is a sacrifice for me -- it's really quite selfish on my part, as fulfilling as having this creative outlet has been. My point is to honor the love of my life (and our daughters), whose sacrifices for me have been beyond all reason. And to honor the One whose ultimate sacrifice for us all has made this struggle a great joy! He is the One "who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. " (Hebrews 12:2)

I am inspired both by my wife and by the One who gave her to me, for their love and sacrifice on my behalf. At the risk of sounding maudlin, I truly desire that my life may honor their devotion... and that you, too, will know such love.

Counting the Cost,
Dr Dan

PS -- We just learned that Drs Sheehan and Grosh have decided to proceed with yet another gamma knife procedure for the brain metastases (scheduled for August 28), followed sometime later by a repeat regimen of high-dose Interleukin-2. Stay tuned...