Be Strong & Courageous

As I was nearing the end of this week of high-dose Interleukin-2 therapy, a number of the expected toxicities were cresting like waves against my body: the generalized swelling (gaining 17 pounds of water weight), muscle aches, bed-shaking chills, nausea, episodic vomiting, diarrhea (accompanied by a sore touche), stomatitis, abdominal swelling and pain, shortness of breath, difficulty sleeping and fatigue. Would this next wave take me down or would I still be standing when it receded yet one more time?

In spite of the side effects, I had successfully completed ten doses of Interleukin-2 and the oncologist was contemplating the eleventh dose to start at 1:00 a.m. on Saturday morning (today). If the numbers from the lab and vital signs came back okay, he would authorize the eleventh and final dose, if I also agreed that I was up to the challenge. At first I wanted to duck my head and simply let this one pass. Then the Lord’s Spirit spoke to me with the words uttered to Joshua centuries ago: “Be strong and courageous” (Joshua 1:6,7,9). Waiting for the doctor’s decision, I went to my Bible and reviewed the story of Joshua.

Now in no way do I compare myself to the mighty warrior that was Joshua, nor, for that matter, do I compare my circumstances to the enormous physical challenges and life-threatening situations that many others have faced, including our men and women in uniform.

But at some point each of us is placed at a point where we have to make a conscious choice to be strong and overcome our fears/discomfort/adversities or to take an easier path with less risk. It is seldom that I have truly had to be “strong and courageous”. Last night was one of them, though minor in the list of struggles faced by many others. Yet I learned something through it.

What is required at that moment is found in your spirit. To be strong at this point is a steeling of mental faculties, not necessarily an adrenalin boost in physical prowess. It is a willful process of taking inventory of priorities and view the situation with a broader perspective. To be courageous is to have faith that, whatever the outcome, a higher goal compels you to choose to face the situation with resoluteness and determination.

We find these characteristics, of course, in the life of Joshua. Facing the overwhelming task of leading a nomadic collection of tribes to conquer the inhabitants and settle in the land of promise, he was coached by God to do two things: be strong and courageous, and observe all the law of Moses. While there is a place for prayer, for faith, for surrender to God’s will, here the emphasis is on mustering up the internal qualities of mental fortitude, valor, and moral purity.

Knowing that I had a “multitude of witnesses” cheering me on, and taking personal inventory of these concepts, I determined that if Dr Grosh authorized an eleventh dose of Interleukin-2, I would stand against that wave as well. As it turns out, all my numbers were satisfactory except for one – my urine output was too low (owing to the fact that my stomatitis and abdominal pain had reduced my ability to take in enough fluids orally). Dr Grosh was satisfied with ten doses, cancelled the eleventh dose, and discharged me later this morning.

I am home now, feeling a little puny, but still upright and grateful to you all for your prayers. My prayer for you is that when your moment comes, you too will be strong and very courageous.

Gratefully,
Dan

PS – We will be home this week recovering, have some interim lab studies performed, and plan to return next Sunday for readmission on Monday, June 30 for the second week of this second cycle of IL-2 therapy.