FAITH: Fire Escape vs. Fireproof

As my physicians have transitioned from a strategy aimed at complete remission to one of palliation, I have to admit that I have wrestled once more with the issue of faith -- i.e., faith for complete healing in the face of what I have known all along to be an aggressive, devastating form of cancer which was already far advanced at the time of diagnosis.

Let there be no mistake: None of my medical colleagues who were knowledgeable regarding the nature and extent of my malignancy at the time of diagnosis over 20 months ago expected me to survive this long. And even now as it appears the cancer has overwhelmed all attempts at stemming its spread, I continue to amaze my physicians by the paucity of symptoms relative to the recent imaging studies (with extensive new metastases to the brain, meninges, left malar eminence, lymph nodes, left humerus and left thigh).

I have not only exceeded most expectations regarding cancer survival, I am honestly able to celebrate each day with relatively few outward signs of the advancing devastation within. The visual symptoms have stabilized, there has been no further seizure-like activity, and I have sufficient strength and stamina to enjoy the company of friends and family (including strolling the beach with my sweetheart and a recent visit to the grandkids in Pennsylvania that featured apple-picking and walks along the scenic Susquehanna River). With head in hands, my radiation oncologist recently remarked, "I have not seen anything quite like this."

I don't want to over-draw the analogy, but my circumstances remind me of the dramatic bible story of three Hebrew men who survived impossible odds. While in Babylonian captivity, Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego were threatened with incineration in a fiery furnace if they did not bow down and worship an idol set up by king Nebuchadnezzar. The men steadfastly refused to worship any but the one true God, Yahweh, proclaiming, "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." (Dan 3:17-18) The king ordered them tossed into the furnace and while their executioners were turned to toast, they came out unscathed (without so much as a hint of smoke about them)!

What is so remarkable about this story to me is the steadfast confidence that these men had in the nature and faithfulness of their God, regardless of the circumstances they faced. At some point in their developing relationship with Yaweh, they had made a decision -- "No matter what the circumstance, we are going to trust in and remain devoted to our God." It was clearly a decision they had already made, as in the midst of the crisis, there was little time for debate and no evidence of equivocation or hesitation. They did not melt down in desperation, seeking an escape from the fiery ordeal, but had confidence that because they served a faithful God, they were ultimately fireproof!

I do not know what lays in store for me and my family in the coming months. I do not know how long I will be able to continue to competently share these thoughts with you or articulate them intelligibly. But I know one thing for sure -- God loves me (and you). He settled that for all time when He did not spare His own Son from a fiery ordeal, from unimaginable suffering and an agonizing death, in order to spare me from the devastating consequences of my own self-will and waywardness. (Rom 8:32, 2Cor 5:21) I know (by faith) that He conquered death through His resurrection. And by His grace, I have made a decision based on both experience and hope (like thousands before me) -- "Yeah though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." (Job 13:15)

Knowing the tragedy of expecting God exclusively to provide a fire escape in every difficult/perplexing situation, I earnestly share the following thoughts:

Fireproof Faith

I have seen the charred remains of those before me
A fallen race in endless flight to self-destruction
The acrid smell of misplaced hope and all that "should be"
Now licked by flames of persistent equivocation

The heat is on, the furnace door gapes wide before me...
Nearing my melting point, will I become unhinged?
Or will I trust the One who walked this way before me
And in full surrender perhaps emerge unsinged?

The time has come to test if faith can flourish
When the heat says "Halt", I know I now must choose...
Will I still linger, my nagging doubts to nourish
Or in full surrender affirm I've naught to lose?

Trusting you too will choose a fireproof faith,
Dr Dan

PS -- Having again declined whole brain radiation, I am continuing on a course of palliative therapy that includes a form of systemic chemotherapy (Temodar) and a more limited course of radiation therapy that focuses on specific symptomatic skeletal and soft tissue metastases.